第三章 善良也要有原则

When Confucius lived in the state of Lu, people often came to ask him for advice.

One day, a young man came to Confucius's home. His name was A Ping. A Ping was usually very willing to help others, but that day, he looked very unhappy.

Confucius invited him to sit down, and then asked, 'What happened to you?'

A Ping said, 'I have a friend named A Cheng. A few days ago, he wanted to go to the city to transport things, and he borrowed a cart from me. I lent him the cart.'

'He promised to return the cart the next day, but he came back five days later. The wheels were also broken. He didn't apologize to me, only said the road was bad, and it wasn't his fault.'

Confucius asked, 'What did you do then?'

A Ping replied, 'I was afraid he would be unhappy, so I said nothing. I spent two days myself to repair the cart.'

Soon after, A Cheng came to borrow the cart again. Although A Ping was a bit worried, he still lent him the cart. This time, A Cheng not only returned the cart very late, but also broke a wooden board on the cart.

A Ping said to Confucius, 'I was very angry inside, but I didn't blame him. I think friends should forgive each other more. If others are not good to me, but I continue to be good to them, isn't that true kindness?'

Confucius did not answer immediately, but asked, 'If someone always keeps his word and often helps you when you need it, how would you treat him?'

A Ping said, 'Of course I would thank him. If he needs help, I would also try my best to help him.'

Confucius asked again, 'Then, A Cheng repeatedly breaks his promise, and you treat him the same way. In this way, what difference is there between the results for a trustworthy person and an untrustworthy person?'

A Ping heard this and didn't know how to answer.

Confucius said, 'Someone asked me, if others are not good to me, should I still repay them with kindness? I answered: "Repay hatred with fairness, repay kindness with kindness."'

A Ping asked, 'What does "repay hatred with fairness" mean that you just said?'

Confucius explained, '"Repay hatred with fairness" means to handle things according to the facts, with a fair and upright attitude. When others do wrong, you don't need to hate them, nor should you think of ways to harm them. But you can point out their mistakes, you can refuse unreasonable requests, and you can make them responsible for their own mistakes.'

A Ping slowly understood: 'So kindness is not about always agreeing to others.'

Confucius nodded: 'Compromise without principles sometimes makes the other party think that their behavior is fine. True friends should respect each other, not let one person always give.'

A few days later, A Cheng came to borrow the cart again.

He said, 'I have an urgent matter today, lend me the cart quickly.'

This time, A Ping did not agree immediately. He said calmly, 'The first two times you did not return the cart on time and also damaged it. The wooden board is not repaired yet, so I can't lend you the cart anymore.'

A Cheng said angrily, 'Aren't we friends? How can you refuse to help with such a small matter?'

A Ping replied, 'Precisely because we are friends, I am making things clear. You can repair the board together with me, and you should first learn to take care of other people's things. In the future, if you can keep your word, I am still willing to help you.'

A Cheng finished listening, turned around and left.

After returning, A Cheng thought about A Ping's past help to him, and also thought about how he had broken the cart twice. He felt some regret.

The next morning, he came back with wood and tools. He lowered his head and said, 'Before, I only thought about my own convenience, and didn't think about how much trouble I caused you. Let's fix the cart together.'

A Ping did not mock him nor drive him away. The two repaired the cart together.

From then on, whenever A Cheng borrowed something, he would always first ask clearly when to return it, and would also carefully protect others' belongings.

A Ping finally understood: kindness needs gentleness, but also needs principles.